Green Flags in Therapy
As a therapist in Pasadena, I’ve worked with all types of clients, from children to seniors, with all types of presenting issues. One thing most of my clients have in common is that they had never seen a therapist before me. More and more, and particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic, people are recognizing the importance of prioritizing their mental health. More people are seeking therapy than ever before, but many people don’t know what to expect or how to know if a therapist is any good. While there are dozens of factors that might make for a really good (or really bad) therapist, I wanted to share a few of the green flags that everyone new to therapy should look out for.
The most powerful predictor of positive outcomes in therapy is the relationship between therapist and client, referred to as the “therapeutic alliance” (Ablon, 2019). Building safety and trust is essential and it takes some time. A good therapist knows how to work with their clients in a way that allows for this to happen organically.
GREEN FLAG: Your therapist makes you feel safe, seen, and heard.
RED FLAG: You don’t feel like you can really be authentic with your therapist.
Your therapist challenges you. YES, I said challenges you. You came here to do the work, not to pay for a “yes man”. We all experience cognitive distortions (exaggerated or irrational thought patterns) from time to time. Some examples include all-or-nothing (polarized) thinking, overgeneralization, mental filtering (focusing only on the negative), personalization, and emotional reasoning (mistaking feelings for fact), to name just a few (Stanborough, 2022). A good therapist is able to recognize your faulty thought patterns and address them without causing harm.
GREEN FLAG: Your therapist challenges your cognitive distortions with curiosity and love.
RED FLAG: Your therapist never challenges your cognitive distortions, or does so in a shaming or aggressive way.
Your therapist doesn’t talk more than you. Sure, you need to have some back and forth, and especially in talk therapy, you’ll need to give your therapist some space to interject and ask questions or challenge you. However, your therapist should definitely not be talking more than you. Generally speaking, your therapist should spend the majority of the session listening and holding space for you to process things, and only interjecting when necessary.
GREEN FLAG: Your therapist gives you the space and time you need to process without constant interruption.
RED FLAG: You feel like you just spent 50 minutes listening to your therapist, and not being heard.
Your therapist uses appropriate self-disclosure. Therapy is for the client, not for the therapist. Sometimes, a little self-disclosure from your therapist can help to normalize what you’re going through, or highlight that you aren’t alone in your struggles. It can feel really good to feel seen and understood and can increase the level of trust and connection you share. However, self-disclosure in therapy should be the exception, not the rule. The important thing to note is whether the self-disclosure is used sparingly, and if it feels beneficial to you.
GREEN FLAG: Your therapist’s self-disclosure felt helpful to you.
RED FLAG: You know your therapist’s entire life story.
Therapy is a journey with many ups and downs, but it can be an incredibly valuable tool for personal growth and healing. It is important to recognize green flags in therapy, such as feeling validated, heard, and supported by your therapist, as these are key indicators that you are in the right place to do the work you need to do. If you don’t feel like you’re getting what you need from your therapist, communicate with them! Your therapist should be able to accept the feedback and collaborate with you on how to make the therapeutic process work for you. Remember that your therapist is a partner in your journey, and by working together, you can achieve your therapeutic goals.
Considering going to therapy? Reach out! I’m offering a free 15 minute consultation to all California residents. Let’s see if we’re a good fit.
Ablon, J. S. (2019, September 25). The biggest predictor of success in helping someone change. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changeable/201909/the-biggest-predictor-success-in-helping-someone-change
Stanborough, R. J. (2022, October 25). Cognitive distortions: 10 examples of distorted thinking. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#emotional-reasoning
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